Relationships

Soooo these blogs are getting harder & harder to write because I run out of stuff to talk about. But I’ll just go with whatever I suppose. Right now I’m watching this thing on true life about transgender people. And all I’ve seen so far is this guy who wants to get chest reconstructive surgery. But his family is not on board with this surgery simply because it’s elective. That’s a very good point, why would somebody choose to do something that can kill them (but people drink & smoke too)? His/her point on true life is that it is life or death for them, which I also agree with. It would feel so weird to be in somebody else’s body. Like I couldn’t imagine my personality but with a different body. I can’t imagine how hard it is to look in the mirror and not feel comfortable with who you are. Its one thing not to like the weight you are or to think your nose is too big. But to feel like you are supposed to be a completely different sex is so crazy. I just cannot fathom that feeling. Everyday waking up & you’re not where you’re supposed to be. I really feel bad for these people! Their families don’t support them for the most part. The one guy/girl does have a wife. And she stayed with him even after he told her that he was born a woman, which shows true love. I know for a fact that I would definitely not have the strength to do that. If some guy I had been dating for months all of a sudden told me he was born a woman, I would not be happy. I would probably yell & scream & never talk to him again. And it’s not the fact that I don’t understand their situation because I do. I really do sympathize with people who are in that situation. But why not just be honest with your partner upfront? Why hide the truth? That’s the same thing I would ask for in a regular relationship.
Speaking of relationship problems, I guess I’ll but mine out there for the 4 people who read this to see! Before I came to college I was in a pretty intense relationship. And then right around orientation, we broke up because there were so many extra people in our relationship that it was hard for us to keep an eye on what was really important-each other. For example, his mom absolutely HATED me. I mean HATED! If there is something stronger than hate, then she felt that for me. I have no doubt that if she could run me over, she would. The main issue with that was that she was super protective of him & I was always telling him to break free of that because she can’t do that for the rest of his life. So I think he was kind of conflicted between me & his mother and the relationship ended. But then we decided to try it again, we would just keep it a secret & not tell his mother. That seemed like the right thing to do? Nope. She found out & got really mad. She took away his car & his phone & everything a teenage boy could possibly want. And even after all that, we still decided we shouldn’t give up something good, so we tried it once again. We were forced to talk on facebook chat & e-mail, which is really hard, especially with me being 5 hours away from him. And I just kind of gave up on the relationship. I didn’t think it would work if we kept up the way that we were going. Now I’m thinking that I made the wrong decision (as my facebook status states…friend me!). I’m really regretting not letting it run its course. But now I’m stuck with consequences. He’s definitely moved on & his new girl seems like a really good person. And they seem like they don’t have any of the problems that we had. I am wishing that they do well but at the same time I’m hoping that they don’t. I kind of want another chance and I can’t figure out why. We’ve tried it 3 times and it has yet to work out! So why would this fourth time be any different? I just feel differently about him now. And it may very well be because I can’t have him. I can’t even bring myself to throw away the letters he sent me when I first got to tech! I know its so cliché but it’s the truth! They’re still very important to me! I feel like if I’m throwing them away then I’m throwing away a whole entire part of my life & that our relationship was a complete waste. And he says some really sweet things in there so they always make me smile & make me feel better when I’m sad about something. I watched the mail everyday for a straight week waiting for the letter to come. It was kind of ridiculous but I just couldn’t wait to hear from him. And the hard part is that I’ve been dating other guys but I haven’t like them nearly as much as I liked him. I don’t expect it to be right off the back, but there doesn’t seem to be any at all. The bottom line is that I want him back. But in reality, I highly doubt that it’s going to happen. So I guess the only choice I have is to move on. And that’s easier said than done. My friends have taken it upon themselves to set me up on a series of dates, no luck yet though. In my mind I feel like I’m replacing him. And one of his friends told me he’s dating this girl to try to get over me. And in the back of my mind I’m kind of hoping he’ll see this….


That's a pic of us right before I left.